THE SHRUBRAG

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends"

While I did finally finish my thesis, I have yet to complete my degree since I have to partake in a small oral presentation to a board of 3 professors before I get the OK. Who knows when this will happen?...it's summer and professors covet their summers like Scrooge McDuck loves his money.

Regardless, a large section of my brain has been given the go ahead to stop thinking about school crap and focus on other things, like remembering what it was like to have nothing to think about or spend time slowly unwinding myself from an academic mentality while playing with Ellie or video games with friends. But humans must strive to forge ahead in life and change themselves f or the better.

With that being said, I feel the time has arrived where I must delve into the most ambitious creation projects to ever be grappled by yours truly.

The first being the creation of new life. Larisa and I, after almost 2 years of trying and 1 miscarriage, are pregnant again.She is about 5 months on now and things are looking good. Its a very exciting time, mostly because now we will be able to deflect Elora's mantra of "Will you play with me?" towards her new sibling. It is also a large influence on the second project.

That being the conversion of our attic to a living space. We bought a 2 bedroom house knowing that we were planning on having another kid and also knowing that the attic was readily convertible to a living space with as much as 2 bedrooms and a bathroom. So with the advent of a new addition to the Schreiber family, you can understand the importance of getting this done. I had tried to work on it while I was in school. This proved to be too much, raising a 2 year old girl, attending graduate school at night, and working on a major house renovation, um yea, that was too much. Its not like I did not have free time, since I was able to play WoW every night, but people need stress relief in life, and if I had worked on the attic, that's a big 0 in down time. School is done now, so its time to buckle down and venture back into the madness of home improvement. The plan is to insulate outside walls, run wires for electrical, lay ply wood floors and then erect the walls. I had run a lot of wires and ev en had some insulating done while I was in school, so I am ahead of the game. Knowing that it was going to be hot up there, I ran a single line for an outlet that will be devoted to a 15k BTU air conditioner, which I installed at the same time. Two weeks ago, Larisa and Elora were out of town, a bizarre circumstance of which I took advantage. I tackled a small project in the bathroom, replacing the mirror, painting (which has been attempted a few times already but not completed), and cleaning. The painting was especially good since one could still see the old pink paint through the first paint job and we have been looking at that for almost a year now. I was even going to paint the pink tiles, but I didn't ahve time (let's just say I'm sick of all the pink in the bathroom). I also ventured to Home Depot where I ordered all the lumber and insulation I will need to begin the renovations. The following week I prepared the attic with workbenches and tools and then hauled all the lumber up the stairs (not fun, 15 pieces of 3/8" 4x8 plywood, 30 2x4's, and 25 rolls of insulation).

And that brings us to the present. I am currently getting the insulation in, so that the air conditioner will be more efficient, not to mention that its the most aggrevating job on my list, what with the heat and itchiness and slow progress, so getting it out of the way early is golden. Larisa has run the gauntlet known as the first trimester now and is doing great. We will be finding the sex out in about 2 weeks. Whatever sex it is, those rooms will have to be either done or very close to completion. The final portion will be the dry walling, which I am going to sub-contract out. I did enough walling in my last house to last a lifetime, considering all the white dust created at that time, which gets on EVERYTHING and is impossible to clean.

I, more often than not, curse my lack of free time and continually seek the light on the horizon, the point where, rather than schedule my time around work that must be done, I can relax on my unused porch furniture and bemuse the cool yet comfortable autumn air as I read a book. Yet, I somehow know, I will yearn for the days when my tools were worn and grinded, my hands molded wood and metal, and I threw myself into battle against home improvement against all odds.

We few, we happy few, we band of...power tools.

Six Degrees of Internet Rules

I was browsing reddit.com the other day, the pictures section to be specific, and I came across this curious image: 

What the hell did it mean?

I left a comment asking "What cake?". The answer, simply "Rule 48" and a link to the Rules of the Internet, led me on an cyberspace scavenger hunt. The answer was not much of a lead, since Rule 48 was simply, "The cake is a lie". Some of the other rules are funny though, my favorite being, "If anything exists, then there is a porn version of it".

I proceeded to the url referenced on the sticker. This turned out to be an anti-Scientology website. As a side note, I am finding that there is a large movement, powered by the internet, to expose the fraud and deception of Scientology. I recently read this article which describes a brain-washing scheme of huge proportions, how Scientologists believe that we are all inhabited by the spirits of aliens banished to Earth many years ago, and how the organization uses blackmail and money to string followers along and prevent defections at all costs. Did you know that high level members were involved in a intricate plan to infiltrate the IRS in order to "help" the organization's petition for tax exempt status as a religious entity? This is a fact and frankly, it scares me that they succeeded. I can see why some countries in Europe have outlawed Scientology.

Anyway, I did a Google search for "The cake is a lie". The Urban Dictionary described it as a term made popular by a PC game called Portal, in which the protagonist is set to complete tasks with the promise of cake at the end. She finds secret rooms in which previous test subjects have scrawled "The cake is a lie" on the walls. The popularity of the game and the term's ability to apply to many situations made it a small internet phenomenon. Its a perfect analogy to the internet in general...I mean, how often are you promised reward if you "click this link"? This is what propelled "the cake is a lie" to its status as one of the rules of the internet.

So now it all made sense. The cake is a lie and Scientology. I just thought that was cool.

The Unwinable Battle: Child Rearing vs IQ

Last Christmas, I was hanging out at my in-laws house when someone pulled out an old Wham-O Magic Window. Old childhood memories surfaced in which I was transported back to the traditional Thanksgiving dinner parties my family would attend at a friend's house. Once the meal was done, everyone would retire to the living room, in which a side table displayed one of these "toys" on its top. As the adults would make their small talk through gin-saturated breathe, I would quietly sit somewhere while cradling this futuristic object in my hands and repeatedly flipping it over with the fervor of an OCD victim, utterly mesmerized by the hypnotizing fluidic motion and interaction between the two differently weighted sands.

And this current reunion was no different. In a split moment, my IQ, which had already been teetering on the edge, fell off a cliff, and boy did it feel good. Ever watch the Seinfeld where Elaine and George switch personalities? Elaine slowly turned into George and was fascinated by a spinning tire logo at one point and acting like a 4 year old who has seen the coolest thing in the world? That's exactly how I felt. As drool slowly formed at the corners of my mouth, a gentle and peaceful calmness enveloped me. Ignorance is bliss indeed. While nostalgia certainly aided my push to a near-vegetative state, it could not be fully blamed. I was already primed for the transformation, my central nervous system just waiting for the right moment to focus on a task which required very little thinking.  Buddhist monks wish it were so easy to transition between mental planes. How is this possible? Here's why:

Raising kids makes you stupid. This is your brain. This is your brain on kids.

The facts:

Your television viewing is reduced to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse every Saturday morning and watching the Smurf's on DVD over and over and over. There is no single more effective way to breaking down logic than replaying the song "Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity-Dog" repeatedly in your brain or to numb the senses via numerous exposures to magical blue elves who continually sing "la-di-dum-di-dum". There is no time for intellectual media. Oh, and by the way, if you value your ability to feel normal, keep inane songs from repeating over and over again in your mind, or avoid that sense of a cult slowly digging their claws into you, never, ever, ever watch The Wiggles. It all comes down to brain exercising. Without the input of pertinent and stimulating information, the brain begins to atrophy, just like anything else.

We only use 10% of our brain power...bullshit. It takes every ounce of available willpower, cognization, and innovation to be a parent. Psychics can use more than 10% of a human's brain power, you say? Fuck that..parents push the envelope at 110%. If my brain hadn't been reduced to cinder with the agonizing minutae of detail used to play make-believe with never-ending tiny toys, I could roll it Drew Barrymore style and set that psychic on fire, then bend a fork and use the Jedi mind trick to make him eat with it. The downside to this is that pushing the capacity of our brain power past its limits is like running the rpm's of a finely tuned car into the red of the tachometer, it tends to degrade the engine, or in this case, sizzle neurons.

How does this happen? Well, one of the primary brain functions which begin to take over is alertness. A parent must always know where their kid is and what they are doing. A precoscious 3 year old who wants to do everything herself has a tendency to get hurt easily. Even when the location and action are locked into a permanent state for a long period of time during which the parent could shut the alert brain power off, the child demands your attention constantly. They love you uncondidtionally, which of course is a wonderful feeling, but that also means they want your undivided attention in return, whether it be listening to what they have to say or playing with them. There are no longer any down times for which the brain to recover after long periods of over-use.

The upshot to the loss of cognizant brain functions is retnetion of your sanity. I am generalizing here, but I think people without kids tend to go a little wonky. Their lives begin to stagnate, become static, and repetitive (unless they have the means to travel a great deal). While I might lose my ability to successfully complete a crossword puzzle, my daughter keeps me grounded. So I guess whether or not you have kids, your brain will degrade in some fashion or another. If I had a choice, which would I pick? Definitely having the kids. Not only am I investing my life in a person who will be part of me forever, a person to whom I wish to pass along all of the things that I like about myself so that I may share them with someone else in the future, but I also have a good excuse if I make a mistake in real life...."Sorry I missed the appointment, I'm exhausted from the kid."....."Oh, no problem at all, I understand."

What's a person without kids going to say?...."Sorry, I don't have kids so I'm kind of crazy".

The Unseen War for the White House

 I have not been shy about expressing my growing dissatisfaction with the current corporate media environment. I used to be a regular visitor to CNN.com before they became a rag mag, running headlines such as "Woman Tries to Protect Her 80 Cats" and "Truck Full of Oreos Crashes on Highway". I completely lost my faith when news outlets failed to cover acknowledgment by Bush, in an interview with ABC-TV, that he knew about and approved "enhanced interrogation" of detainees, including "water boarding" or simulated drowning. The only person to make any stink about it was Helen Thomas. God bless her. The lack of empathy and zombification of the press corp could not be more apparent when she asks her fellow journalists, "Where is everyone?".

I understand that this is a capitalist state, so large news organizations have to print stories which the public majority demand, or at least for which have a preference. And I'm OK with that, only because we live in an age where there is a fantastic array of media oultets from which one can find the information and analysis of current events which suits their fancy. My quest to find pertinent information filled with less fluffy crap has lead me into that place which has gotten so much press for the last 2 to 4 years, the blogosphere. I know, I'm late on arriving. Look, in terms of the internet time, I am a old fogie now. I'm not as hip as I once was.

Considering the laundry list of abuses the Bush administration has affected in its tenure, its not difficult to grasp the notion that Republicans have little chance to fulfill Karl Rove's wet dream of a sustained Republican domination (the insane irony of his plan is that it completely backfired, doubly so by extreme power abuse which forced the will of the people into the Democrats hands and also by setting a new precedent for the lack of limits of Presidential power, or to put more simply, how much shit the President can get away with). But it all boils down to 2 things: #1 - unless the Republican candidate completely denounces Bush (which McCain not only has not done when offered on the Daily Show, but has begun to go in the  other direction by embracing  Bush policies, he will  most definitely empower the  odd  70% or so who disapprove of Bush's ability to run America, to vote against him, and #2 - A more complex reason which involves the use of the internet.

The internet has always been a bastion of free speech and can be considered the most prevalent and possibly most relevant paradigm of a libertarian society which is self-governing and where the individual owns their personal sovereignty. Normally this would an ideal place for Republicans, since they are supposed to support and uphold the rights of individuals above all else, but there is real lack of Republicans in the Republican party these days. Its full of what people now call the Neocon, a self-serving and despicable group who insist on forcing their political and religious beliefs onto others.

As I have stated before, this puts Neocons at a loss, since they naturally resent these community outlets because not only are they playgrounds for activities they consider subversive, they also take large amounts of power out of corporate hands, be it media, retail, or advertising . Even McCain has been documented as misusing Google in a sentence (Google must be very proud that their company became a verb in the English language) and admitting he did not know how to use a computer.

And let me tell you, the Democratic community is seizing on that weakness. Ever since I turned a blind eye to corporate media, I have been slowly sucked into the battlegrounds being claimed in cyberspace. Corporate media is now forced to talk about what the blogosphere wants by posting links to comment pages where loyal website fans flood the servers with whatever epithets of rage or disillusionment suits the situation best. Bloggers with inside information typically get the scoop and I am aware of current affairs before they are reported in national news outlets. One of the main reasons Obama is the Democratic candidate is because students and 20-somethings empowered by the internet rallied around him. You should see how fired up this age group is, its an impressive force of power, since they are all deeply entrenched in internet usage, from Facebook to Reddit. And right now, at this very moment, they and those like them are fighting an unseen war against the Neocons, by spreading the word about every single wrong word, action, or look Bush, McCain, and the Republicans make. Every day, a new barrage of blog posts and comments rain down upon the ruling party. And their defenses are crumbing, if there was even a defense in the first place. They now resort to making ridiculous claims about Barack Obama, that he's a terrorist or he is not an American citizen. This is so absurd, all I can do is pity the people who would rather resort to inane banter and sling weak crap at Obama than admit that the true blame for the Republicans position is Bush's horrifying and unjustified war in Iraq as well as his sickening abuse of power as he eroded the ideals that America was built on (but it doesn't matter to him, the country could go to hell, so long as it was his doing and not terrorists, its justified). They are painted into a corner and all they can do is go 100% feral, because they know the end is coming...Republicans are losing seats in special elections, Congress is overturning vetos, and world leaders are snubbing Bush. Just the other day, Senator Kucinich entered into the Congressional public record 35 articles of reasons for impeaching Bush. It will likey die in committee, but the day it happened, a maelstrom of cyberspace residents rallied to his cause and not only forced corporate outlets to report on it, but also hounded Nancy Pelosi to put impeachment back on the table. So he might not be impeached but I sense some kind of judgement in Bush's future and even if there isn't one, he is doomed to perpetually defend his actions and attempt to ensure his legacy will not be a permanent black mark on the Republicans record. And I guarantee, he and Cheney can see this future as well and have started building a legal defense against such a action which may put them on trial for war crimes or indict them for tainting the Constitution. Or maybe not. Its entirely believable that Bush, what with his aggression and outright dismissal towards anyone questioning his decisions, would stick to his guns right to the bitter end, much like Admiral Tarkin in Star Wars, "What?! Give up in our moment of triumph?! I think you overestimate their chances!" At which point, of course, Bush and all his followers will explode in a fiery cataclysm of epic proportions. This scenario in fun to imagine, but don't forget that Cheney would get away to make a second war machine for Iran.

Of course, getting your information from the blogosphere coincides with absolute objectivity. The amount of spin and twist applied to information is quite head...well, spinning. This angle of the internet mudslinging makes it more of a war. Propoganda is a time honored tradition during war time, known to exist since Roman times and most prevalent more recently, especially during World War II. Its long existence is a testament to its effectiveness.

Propoganda helped Bush win his second term (I think we all know what I'm talking about) and its going to put Obama in the White House. The beautiful irony is that Bush and his administration and their deplorable actions spewed more than enough propoganda to put a nail in the "Republican in 2008" coffin.

 

A Momentous Occasion: Elora Watches Star Wars

About a year ago, we gave Ellie some of Larisa's old Star Wars action figures. She took a liking to the Chewbacca one in particular. At the time, we would tell her how Chewbacca wo uld talk and she really liked that and would even try to mimic our pathetic attempts of using the Wookie language.

Its funny how certain things really stick into a kid's brain. As a way to get Ellie out the tub without a fuss, Larisa got Ellie to open the drain by telling her to "push the button, and then fix it", meaning to open, close, and then open the drain again. Now, Ellie insists on performing this small ritual at the end of every single bath. Its the same for Chewbacca.

I recently went to the Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination exhibit at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. A travelling exhibition of Star Wars costum es, models, and props. Before I went, I told Ellie that I was going to see Chewbacca and I wouldn't be back before she was in bed, and that made sense to her. The next morning, I heard Ellie get up and I rushed out so that Larisa could sleep in. The first thing Ellie says to me, and with an aire of excited expectation, "Did you see Chewbacca!?" Well, it was one of those moments only a parent understands where a child says the simplest thing that blows you away and tugs the heart strings. Not only did it show me how enthralled she was with the most famous Wookie of all time, but also that she missed me and was thinking about me.

That day, Larisa had to go to dinner with friends and I was going to take care of Ellie. I decided, based on her love of Chewbacca, that we were going to see Star Wars Episode 4 together. The time was right. Shockingly, I didn't own it though, but not a problem, Best Buy was just down the street. The act of going to buy the movie made Ellie even more excited. I was pretty excited myself. With movie in hand, the 2 of us headed home. I also picked up Part 5 for the hell of it.

Popcorn was made, we got cozy on the chair under a fleecy blanket ("nice and warm" as Ellie puts it), and the infamous scrolling prologue began to roll. Ellie loved it. She kept asking about Chewbacca and when we finally got to the cantina scene, she was mesmerized. I was thrilled. Finally, being able to do something together that we both enjoy fully. Don't get me wrong, I love playing with Ellie, but it is insanely tiring being a human jungle gym and mind-numbing to play with her cadre of tiny toys. We watched the whole of Episode 4 and then went right in Empire Strikes Back. She loved that even more. The Wampa, Darth Vader, Yoda, she was eating it up and loved every bite. It was one of the best moments of my life and I will always remember it.

As I was thinking about it later, I realized there was a downside to the floodgate I had opened: stealing that moment we all experience when we, as adults, watch a good movie for the first time. A good example would be The Matrix...remember the first time you saw that and how awesome it was? It was never the same afterwards.....you knew all the secrets. A good movie always has good secrets and Star Wars has the biggest one of all, Darth Vader's paternal profession to Luke, in what I believe to be the most famous movie scene of all time. While Elora loves Star Wars, she is not quite able to grasp the drama of the series, even though she knows that Darth Vader is Luke's father (when we watched it a second time and I explained the scene for her, she did not like the thought that Darth Vader could be a daddy but understood that he was). I assume as she gets older, that knowledge will stick with her, and she will never experience that "oh my god factor" that our generation felt during that scene. In that regard, I feel selfish. Couldn't I wait until Ellie was of a proper age so that she could feel the full effect of discovering the secrets of Star Wars? Am I robbing her of that moment of clarity that lends to Star Wars' iconic status?

Fuck it...I wanted to watch it with her. I deserve to be a tad selfish. And besides, we had fun together and bonded big time, that's more important. I will always remember it and I hope she does too.

The Language of Gamers Part 2

Since my triumphant return to the land of Azeroth, I have been acting as a self-proclaimed and undercover sociologist, watching in quite repose with curious eyes and an active mind. Being immersed in a virtual and anonymous world as an adult unsheaths an opaque window displaying the secretive lives of young adults into which most parents would kill to get a peek. They could see who their kid's friends are, what they talk about, what they are thinking, what motivates them, are they happy or sad, etc., because teenagers clam up in front of their parents but will not shut up when surrounded by their peers in a faceless society.

True, most of the talk regards the game but in guilds, things get more personal. Guilds are tight knit groups of people in the game who endevour to remain faithful to each other as they battle through dungeons, grind out quests, or "farm" for certain item drops. It is this fashion in which one learns more about the people with whom one is playing. They have rank and order systems with leaders and officers, rules of conduct, and scheduled events, all very organized and social. It is in these highly social groups that one can get to know other players more personally and even form friendships.

People like the leader of my current guild. First off, she is a she. This might surprise most people but this is the beauty of these games: while most of the players are teenage males, you will find a whole host of different personalities and ages. There is a good chance there is someone you know (besides me) who plays the game. There are two things about her that I know which simply fascinate me: she is a model and she is a total geek. She plays tons of WoW, claims to own like 90,000 games, collects figures and keeps them in the box, and she is well versed in PC components and building. Can you imagine, say, Cindy Crawford, displaying those attributes? It personally blows my mind. EDIT: I wrote the above passage months ago. Since then, my guild bore witness to tremendous upheaval as officers invoked an insurgency against said guild leader for lack of leading skills and allowing a blanket of stagnance to fall. In the midst of the mutiny, her identity, which had always been questionable, was revealed as false.

There is also a gruff guy from Arizona who is in the army. Like most Army personel, he has a tough exterior but once you get to know him, he has a kind heart and a loyal devotion to friends. Or the girl from Canada who lives to chat and gossip while still able to take down elite dragons on the side. And lets not forget the guy from the New England who knows everything about the game and pronounces mana as "manner". The list goes on. Communication with these people usually remains within the realm of normality.

Outside the guild, its a whole other ball game. Generally, the communication revolves around simplistic methods of capitalism, either selling your battle skills, your crafting services, or your looted items. Attempting to engage in normal conversation will only open an invitation to "flaming", the art of pointless insulting empowered by the anonymity of the game and culpability vacuum of the society. The chat box roars with the caucophonic and constant stream of chatter through which players proclaim to the realm any thoughts they may feel like sharing. Seeing that most players are teenage males, typical communication lacks any sort of sanity or conventional wisdom. Its best to ignore most comments that may seem derogatory because attention only feeds the flamer's fire, considering that the paramount reason for flaming is basking in the glow of caustic reactions.

The vernacular of the common flamer or other seemingly less life-experienced player wielded during these interactions has evolved to the point of almost being another language, one that only works in game based worlds. Common chat words which were normally grounded to only being typed are now making the jump to words used in spoken communication, such as lol and pwn, or becoming a variation of itself, such as lolz or lawl. Yes, that's right, people are SAYING these anti-euphamism terms which were originally born in instant message or general gaming chat. This movement is generally catalyzed by use of programs for verbal communication, such as TeamSpeak or Ventrilo. And if you don't believe me, watch the WoW episode of South Park in which Cartman ends the show by telling a player he's been "powned". The only sensible refuge from this semi-insane form of dialogue are guilds. There is a scene in the book Snow Crash in which Hiro Protagonist, the main character, is spending time in the Metaverse, a completely digital world, much like Second Life. In the Metaverse, he owns a house, the code for which was completely written by him but when he leaves his house, he is instantly attacked by numerous flying advertisements (i.e. pop-ups) and witnesses several chaotic avatars walking along the road. This is an anology to guild and general chat in WoW.

Many people often think that the allure of WoW and similar games is the gameplay iteself. In reality, the gameplay can be quite monotonous and dull while it is the social aspect of the game which tends to draw players deeper into the confines of a interactive and progressive digital world. As I have demonstrated above, the range of peer-to-peer interaction is far-reaching and anyone can find the type of communication that peaks their fancy from PvP trash talking to civilized companion chat. The world of warcraft is your oyster.

My Thesis is My Baby

I was sitting here at work and got up to get a cup of coffee, when it occurred to me: my coffee consumption, which is normally zero, has grown exponentially over the past few weeks. The is largely due to my relinquishment of all wakeful and unwakeful hours to completion of my thesis. But then another thing occurred to me: the last time I was so dependent on America's favorite drug was the 6 months following Ellie's birth.

I have once again been transmogrified into a walking undead, running on caffeine fumes, feeding on my own brains, which had been irrevocably stewed into a sludgy mass of overused neurons devoid of interest or emotion. I have officially broken past the conventional average of America...instead of 1.8 kids, I have 3: Ellie, Ripley, and now my thesis.

Everyday I have to nurture it, make it grow, as it sucks every ounce of living essence from my weary body. It keeps me up at night, steals my personal time, and needs constant attention.

The up shot: my thesis does not require frequent diaper changes but there is little solace in this, since changing diapers requires far less mental focus. Also, the thesis does not hang around for 18 years, although it could be argued that it sucks just as much life out of you in its short lifespan.

The down shot: At least Larisa gave me some warning for the impending change to our lives and babies themselves are not easily ignored. The thesis was more like a monster hiding in the shadows you knew was there and every time you glanced to get a peek, it would slink back into the darkness, laughing as you procrastinated its conception, until it finally leaps on your back, forcing you into submission, making you its slave. Also, my thesis was not nearly as much fun to make.

Speaking of which, some people may like to know that the subject matter of my thesis pertains directly to mating behaviors: human pheromones. I would like to thank a friend of mine, Lonnie Bruner, who was the direct inspiration for my topic choice with this controversial post in his blog (check out my empirical and astute comment towards the bottom). Thanks LB! Although writing a thesis sucks ass, writing one in which you have no interest of the subject matter is doubly so. You gave me a topic I found fascinating.

Some people may be asking: whats up with all the posts? All I can say is that a combination of long hours on the computer and taking breaks to surf cyberspace is a healthy source of material, as well as the fact that writing my blog is more of a cathartic practice for myself than anything else, so posting new entries has helped me make it through this tough time.

The Wilhelm Scream

Every now and again, Larisa and I find small niches of space and time in which we can watch a movie together, preferably one that wasn't created through animation or contains singing animals for actors. We especially enjoy any Star Wars or Lord of the Rings movies, of which we are both big fans. And every now and again, we notice that a certain and unmistakeable scream can be heard in these movies, especially any sci-fi/fantasy themed movies. While we never really get to the bottom of the mystery, we always comment on how rich that one guy must be from royalties, whose scream has been used so often. Perhaps you know the scream I am talking about....it is most prevalent in the famous scene of the original Star Wars movie when Luke and Leia are stuck on the bridge in the Death Star. They are attacked by stormtroopers higher up, Luke hits one, and as he falls to his death, we hear the scream.

So last night, as my mind was slowly being transformed into oatmeal by that ancient alchemy art of thesis writing, I took a break to peruse the internet. As is often the case, I ended up on YouTube and just out of curiousity, I wanted to see if any of my videos of Elora would show in a search for the word "Elora". Now, I must pretext here that Ellie's name was largly inspired by the name of the baby in the movie Willow, her name being Elora Dannan. The search turned up a ton of videos of a band with the same name, I guess they were also fans of the movie. I changed the sort feature and turned up the full feature movie of Willow, broken up into 12 parts. Well, of course I had to watch it. Perhaps it would restore some of my brain functions. Well wouldn't you know?...I heard that scream no less than 3 times over the course of the film. It should be noted here that the story of Willow was created by none other than George Lucas himself (interestingly, he had wanted to make an adaptation of The Hobbit but could not secure the rights, so he made Willow instead, a film with obvious JRRT influences) and the actor who plays Willow, Warwick Davis, is the same actor who played the main Ewok (the one Leia runs into) in Return of the Jedi and can be seen briefly in Phantom Menance during the pod race. I guess they are good friends or something...who knows.

Anyway, like a hammer hitting me on the head, I recalled all those instances where Larisa and I would briefly talk about that unmistakable scream. I quickly Googled it. It had a name and was more famous than I thought...the Wilhem Scream. This was the most interesting and information-rich link I found and this link contains a great compilation video of Wilhelm screams from various movies. The trivia that caught my eye was the number of movies in which the scream is used...upwards of 150! And that the scream itself originated from movies made in the 1950s. Unfortunately, it looks like Larisa's theory on the lofty financial situation of the scream's originator has been debunked....no one really knows who's scream it is and the one guy who it could have possibly been died recently without seeing one ounce of scream royalites. Too bad...he would done well based on how often the scream is used.

So there you go...next time you hear that scream, and I guarantee you will, you will know its history and its origin.

More Internet Time Wasting

I had to share this...made me laugh. The important title of the short film is "Everything Poops" made by Waverly Films on YouTube. Check em out, they make some funny stuff.

The Rise and Fall....and Rise? of Kudzu

I was first introduced to the notion of this invasive plant species on my first Winter back packing trip in 2007. All of the guys I roll with on these trips have professional ecological backgrounds and one of them commented on the way down to West Virgina to another one, "Look at all that kudzu in the trees." I thought for a brief moment that hum-powered whistles were now growing in the forest, until I looked at what he was refering to: a wall of large-leafed ivy blanketing, and I'm talking thick down comforter here, a line of trees. Little did I know but enormous did they know, kudzu is a plant slowly taking over the Southern United States, covering vast forests in sun-blocking swathes of green.

The story behind kudzu's introduction to the US is interesting. It was first shown at a Philadelphia Centennial Exposition, the first official world's fair celebrating all things horticulture, in 1876 by Japanese herbalists. During a span of about 100 years, it went from being used for shade in gardens to inspiring kudzu festivals across the South to being removed from the the U.S. Department of Agriculture's agricultural conservation program to finally being declared as an offcial "noxious weed" by the U.S. Congress. Kudzu became native flora enemy number one, following in the footsteps of aquatic fauna enemy number one, the snakehead fish (what is the deal with all the invasive species coming out of Asia?). By the time it was delcared a noxious weed, the damage was done. Kudzu growth throughout the southeast is out of control, as it covers numerous forests and distrupts natural ecology by not only blocking sunlight but also usurping resources.

If there is such a heavy stigma associated with this species, then why are people trying to promote it as the next wonder plant? This recent article exposes the seeds of doubt being sown by various researchers touting the Asian ivy as the means to a solution for various world issues, such as world hunger, energy, alcoholism, and what I consider one of the biggest threats to global survival, a depletion of "silky" gravy. Apparently, kudzu can be used to make ethanol fuel, various jellies and chicken flavorings, a compound to reduce alcohol consumption, and some of the best damn gravy ever created. While all of this sounds fantastic in a sort of Jetson-like fashion, history tells us that trying to nuture an invasive species in a controlled manner is complex and costly. This hasn't stopped researchers from proposing that the money made from the fuel, food, and medicine will pay for control. Sounds great but is it possible? Either way, its a vicious cycle and akin to a world where a plant has more power than the humans that cultivate it, much in the same way the Triffids took over.

I supppose if the researchers had their way, the future would be a wonderful place where we drive our kudzu powered cars to eat Thanksgiving dinner with the family, and while we all eat a sober meal of kudzu fried chicken in a house made of kudzu, we can at least be content that our gravy has no lumps.

EDITOR's NOTE: The birth of this story should be documented. One of the websites I read regularly is called mentalfloss.com. A recent article on the site covered an interview with the founders of a website called reddit.com. Reddit.com has become my new most favorite website. It is similar to digg.com in that it is a central location for all things interesting on the internet with a user rating system. The kudzu article listed in this post was found and inspired via reddit. I suggest checking this site out...its pretty cool.